Christmas is already in the air: the funeral office magazine and julmust are here!

The summer vacations are barely over, but Christmas is already in the air. Quite early this year in fact. But how do I know that Christmas has already arrived in Sweden? Well, there are two things that give it away:

First, it's the Julmust.
The other day I went to the supermarket and saw that they were already selling Julmust, i.e., "Christmas Sap" or Christmas Drink. Basically, it's like coca cola, but much sweeter. Like coca cola, it also comes in diet version, with nutra sweet. Wikipedia thinks that  "Julmust is mainly consumed in Sweden around Christmas". So, this is indication no. 1 that Christmas is already here.

Second, it's the funeral office magazine.
Around Christmas time, the Funeral Office Association of Sweden sends us their magazine called "Memento". As I wrote before, several funeral offices in Sweden are uniquely interesting because they advertise their funeral products. Last year, the magazine came around Christmas time. This year it came to us a week ago. Summer vacations are barely over, but Christmas has began. Dying in Sweden is also quite unique. First of all, dying during the summer should be avoided at all costs. Second, people like to talk about death. Third, committing suicide is fine, people won't talk about it anyway. Nobody cares.

The magazine is promoting death and death culture. Let's look at some its contents a bit more closely.

Here is the cover. Below the title "Memento" you see the subject of its main article: "When sick children die". You can also see that the magazine is not free. It costs 70 Swedish crowns (about 8.50 US dollars)--it's not cheap! It is sent to us for free (lucky us!) well in advance the festive season. Come to think of it, however, there must be people who do buy the magazine!

On page 4 we see the photo of a luxurious coffin surrounded by flowers. The caption below says "the feeling of a summer meadow".

Page 6 has the photo of a Mohammedan cleric with spooky looks and then a vast graveyard full of Christian crosses. I guess this says that the magazine is politically correct. It's ok for both Mohammedans and Christians to but the magazine.

On page 7, here is again "Eulogica", a death management operations software. We also saw it in last year's issue. "A new generation program and services for the funeral industry". I wonder if it exists as an app so I can download it on my mobile and have some fun.

The article on page 8 is titled  "Some children may die but not mine".  "In barely six months a  four-year old developed cancer. Not until the very end could Jenny believe that her daughter could actually die". In this way, I guess, the magazine tells parents to support the funeral office industry financially because their children may die. Makes sense, in a business world.

Pages 14-15 are devoted to a "Graveyard for dreamers and cat lovers". It talks about a cemetery that you can visit when you're feeling romantic. And if you're a cat (not a dog!) lover, take your cat along, and have fun thinking about your burial place.

The article on pages 18-19 is an impressively original idea. It's an idea for a party. A party where you invite your friends to talk about death and how they would like to be buried. The article's author asks:

Isn't it a good idea to invite people to a party and talk about death and how they like to have their funeral?

What a great idea indeed! How come nobody had thought about it before? This magazine is a real treasure. This is why I can't find people to come to my parties. My themes are not good enough. But if we talk about death then I'll get many people over. A caption of a photo in the article says:

Sandwich with herring is good, but we would like to have real food for our funerals.

Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Would you like to be buried with only a sandwich? I have a further idea for the party! We could rent coffins and play dead. For example, we could place a bottle of vodka in a coffin and wait for one of our guests to be lured. When he/she (or it) gets in, we slam the cover down and nail them inside. We then enjoy having the person beg for his/her release. It's a real simulation of what a burial is. In the very spirit of the magazine!

Page 24 has a full-page picture of urns in many colors. An urn is a vase where you stuff the ashes after you bury a dead body. But these urns advertised here are called "NatureUrns" and they are approved by the "Green Burial Council". That is, they are ecological urns, they're good for the environment. Good to know, eh?

Page 26. Article about the burial of an 8-year old girl. 

Pages 13 and 29 contain advertisements of the hearses of Mr. Nilsson. Their unique feature is that they are environmentally friendly. We are informed that they emit only 117 grams of Carbon Dioxide per Kilometer and so they are Europe's best. But Page 28 advertises the hearses of Mr. Eriksson that are classified as "extra long". They burn 149 grams of Carbon Dioxide per Kilometer. That's bad. Sorry Mr. Eriksson, you lose.

Then there is a cartoon about various characters talking about their death wishes.

All in all, an excellent magazine, given to us for free, just in time for Christmas. I will enjoy reading it while drinking Julmust.

Dying in Sweden during the summer is not advisable

One thing that happens every summer in Sweden, especially after the so-called mid-summer day, is that the country closes down. It is very hard to do anything during the summer, from fixing your car to seeing a doctor.

But even dying is not advisable during the summer.

Why? Because there is nobody around to bury the dead body.

Here is the story: three years ago, the (Swedish) husband of a woman (whom we know) died suddenly in the middle of the summer by a wasp sting. This was very unfortunate and very sad. Very unexpected also. Indeed, some people may die from insect venom anaphylaxis (severe allergic reaction). These fatal allergic reactions frequently, but not always, occur in people who have had a previous allergic reaction to the same type of insect.

Once the first shock passes, the dead person's wife tried to arrange for a funeral.  Funeral offices abound in Sweden and, as I explained in an earlier posting, they have a very different look than in other countries because they display their products (coffins, urns for ashes, etc.) in their windows. In the previous posting, I also analyzed the concept of a funeral office magazine which is issued at the hefty price of 9.50 USD. We receive it for free. And I described its contents. Therefore, funeral offices exist and are very well-organized. They even produce software for the management of death-related operations. (See my previous posting.)

However, they apparently all (or almost all) close down during the summer, so much so, that the unfortunate woman could not find any funeral office in Stockholm or in a nearby area in order to bury her husband. She searched and searched and nothing was available. Instead, she was told to wait until September, to have the body frozen until they reopen in September and resume business as usual. To be accurate, I believe that there are some funeral offices open but they work at a very low pace during the summer so they're fully booked. Hence the waiting time.

It appears, therefore, that dying during the summer should be avoided in Sweden. Or, if one expects to die, he or she should make a reservation with a funeral office a few months in advance. Perhaps this is why the funeral office magazines are being sent out: as a reminder to reserve a spot should you plan to die during the summer.

Funeral office magazine sent to us for free

Back in 2011, I noticed that some funeral offices in Sweden are very different from funeral offices in any other country I'm aware of. That is,  funeral offices here advertise their products: coffins, cremation urns, etc.

Another interesting thing is that funeral offices produce magazines. For four years now, we've been receiving, at home, magazines from funeral offices, at least biannually. The latest magazine just arrived a couple of days ago and is a special issue for the Christmas season. It is called memento:

Translation: Top left: from the funeral office.  Title: The Nordic essence; mythical creatures from the graveyard. Bottom right: Price 70 Swedish Crowns (approximately 9.50 US dollars)

So, I guess, we are lucky! We get the magazine for free and don't have to pay.

Let's take a look at what's inside. It advertises coffins of special elegance. A picture (bottom right) shows the craftsmanship going into the material on which the dead body will rest, while another picture (top right) shows a path converging to infinity (of presumably metaphysical/religious significance)--the interpretation is left open for the reader.

A new age coffin, the path to eternity, and craftsmanship of the coffin's velvet interior

It also advertises hearses, that is, automobiles carrying the coffin with the dead body to the burial place. This particular company prides itself in being "a new generation of building concepts" and, in addition, offers extra long hearses. As this chart shows, Swedes are typically tall (and taller than in the past), so funeral offices with long hearses are doing better businesses. Interestingly, however, the taller a Swedish man is the less likely he will commit suicide, according to this paper.

Translation: Extra long hearses have been designed to facilitate your working day. High comfort and smart solutions provide a good working environment

The main story of the magazine is about mythical creatures that one can encounter in Swedish cemeteries. They look like this

They are called "myling" and are ghosts of children who died before they had a chance to be baptized.

The magazine also contains an article about death and art, photographs from graveyards, and an article about cancer

Death art

A photographer who sees death all the time

Dead bodies as art

Translation: Much remains even if the cancer is gone.
Interpretation: So be ready to die, we'll take care of you

and an ad about a computer program, "eulogica", for managing death operations:

Software for the management of death operations

Persons portrayed in this magazine often have their look of dead on their faces. This lady seems to be smiling at us in a very sinister manner

He he he ...

while this one's face is almost grey (I don't know if the color can be accurately reproduced, but it's true--welcome to take a look at my copy of the funeral magazine), as if she's about to die or just resurrected from the dead, like Lazarus.

Translation: We help you [so that when you die you won't have to carry your own coffin]

And, of course, since we're so close to the Festive Season, there is even a Santa Claus acting like everybody else around: typing away on his computer.

Translation: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

This time of the year, there is just darkness around. We never have sunlight (5 hours in total during November). And there are no lights either. Strangely enough, lots of public places dim their lights down when darkness hits. I don't go to restaurants because I have trouble reading the menu--it is so dark.In general, it feels as if we're playing along with Bengt Ekerot in Ingmar Bergman's Seventh Seal:

If you ever wondered what Bergman's films mean, you haven't spent much time in Sweden

Fortunately, nobody committed suicide this year (as opposed to last year) at the university.

Funeral office windows, in Sweden

Windows of shops in Uppsala are not quite the most attractive sights of the town. If you have a visitor, don't take her (or him) for window shopping, (unless they happen to have fallen in coma in a remote Soviet village in the eighties, and just recovered from it). Many a times, they consist of nondescript arrangements of random objects, loosely resembling the products of the shop, e.g. a few scattered hairbrushes (often with hair) in a beauty salon, or dull collections of dusty clothes in a neighbourhood fashion shop, and so on--you get the idea. I will have to expand on this in a future email, because looking at shop windows in Sweden is like a time warp. It's like going back to the seventies.

But the most interesting kind of windows are of funeral offices. Typically, we don't see much of decoration in a funeral office window. In most places I've been to they are plain, simple or have religious messages, depending on the type. But in Uppsala (and I think, more generally, in Sweden) some (or all?) funeral offices have very interesting windows. Here is one from Uppsala:

It advertises its products: coffins. A closer look shows the "interesting" and "thoughtful" decoration: scattered stones underneath the coffin, a little (plastic of course) green bush, one side of the coffin standing on a (presumably empty) used can of sardines, a careful arrangement of (yes, you guessed it, plastic) flowers on top, next to a violin (not a Stradivarius, I'm sure). The coffin is locked (who knows why?).

"Interesting", I thought, when I first saw it. And I had to stop my car and take a picture.