23 April 2009

The Atheist Experience

The Atheist Experience is a weekly cable access television show in Austin, Texas geared at a non-atheist audience. Every week they receive live calls from atheists and believers and what they say is hilarious. They are prime examples of the following dictum:

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. --Einstein

Here are some examples. Enjoy!

Example 1:
Caller 1: I hear peoplet alking about the Atheist Experience. You are a Marxist, you are an atheist, and you're from Russia.
Caller 2: So, you're saying you're a minister?
AE: Yes.
Caller 2: And you don't believe in God?
AE: That's correct.
Caller 2: Ha ha ha. Man, you're the devil man.

Example 2:
Caller 3: You know what I really like to do, I'm just gonna... some day I'm just gonna come and punch your fat face for Jesus, that's what I'm gonna do.
AE: Really? Do you think that's what Jesus wants you to do? Because...
Caller 3: Yeah, definitely, he's gonna come back and he's gonna...
AE: Does he want me to turn the other cheeck?
Caller 4: So y'all don't believe in God, y'all don't believe in anything?
AE: No, that's not true.
Caller 4: Well, God's everything, so if you don't believe in Him you believe in nothing.

Example 3:
Caller 5: Hey, I got proof.
AE: Proof for what?
Caller 5: My explanation that the God is real?
AE: OK. Good.
Caller 5: My explanatation is, my mother was in the hospital, correct? Well, my correction.
AE: [Silence]
Caller 5 goes on to explain how his mother was to the verge of death, she stopped breathing, they take her downstairs, call us, and, all of a sudden she starts breathing! So what is that, mother nature doctors, or is it God?

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What measure theory is about

It's about counting, but when things get too large.
Put otherwise, it's about addition of positive numbers, but when these numbers are far too many.

The principle of dynamic programming

max_{x,y} [f(x) + g(x,y)] = max_x [f(x) + max_y g(x,y)]

The bottom line

Nuestras horas son minutos cuando esperamos saber y siglos cuando sabemos lo que se puede aprender.
(Our hours are minutes when we wait to learn and centuries when we know what is to be learnt.) --António Machado

Αγεωμέτρητος μηδείς εισίτω.
(Those who do not know geometry may not enter.) --Plato

Sapere Aude! Habe Muth, dich deines eigenen Verstandes zu bedienen!
(Dare to know! Have courage to use your own reason!) --Kant